Wasted on the Young
by LithuiumBlond
Summary: Esme and Carlisle Cullen are turned into toddlers and they have to find a way to grow up again. Comedy/Romance
1. Chapter 1

**I hate hunting trips. Edward goes away for at least three days or more, and I'm left alone. At least this time I have Emmett to keep me company. I look over to the couch and see him Quietly watching TV. Quietly. Something's wrong.**

**"Wow Emmett, you've been so quiet. I'm a little scared."**

**"I've been watching these cooking shows. They're amazing!" he replied still totally mesmerized by the TV. "I wanna be a chef!"**

**"You wanna be a what now?" Were my ears deceiving me? Why the hell would a VAMPIREwant to be a chef? Well, I mean, it is Emmett.**

**"A chef." He was now grinning ear to ear.**

**"Why would you want to be a chef? You can't even taste food!" I knew he was being to quiet I shouldn't have asked.**

**"Well, that's were you come in…" Now I was really confused.**

**"Bella," Emmett asked in his most innocent voice, "will you be my taste tester?"**

**"Well, I don't know…"**

**"Please! Please! Please! Please!" He stared running around in circles, and I was getting dizzy.**

**"Alright! Alright! Just shut up!" I yelled over his pleading.**

**"Thank you, Bella! You're the bestest almost sister-in-law ever!" Then he planted a big, wet kiss on my cheek. "Let's start now!"**

**Before I knew it, I was being thrust into the kitchen by my arm, which Emmett forgot was still very fragile. He turned on the TV, and put on an apron that said "I'm a Grizzly in the Kitchen!"**

**I really hate hunting trips.**

**"Emmett when did you get that apron?" I asked skeptically.**

**"Well, Alice…" Emmett started to say.**

**"Enough said." I interrupted.**

**I looked over to the TV, and saw what Emmett had been watching. I tried to hold back my giggling but failed miserably.**

**"You're watching Rachel Ray?" I couldn't hold back the laughter anymore.**

**"Yeah, so, what's so funny?" He looked confused.**

**"Why?" was all I could choke out.**

**"Why not? she is a very good cook! Plus she not too bad to look at either. But don't tell Rosalie that or she'll bite my head off." He chuckled.**

**"Ok, ok," I said trying to calm myself, "What are you going to make first?"**

**"Well I was thinking we'd start with something easy like…Baked Alaska!"**

**"Um, Emmett, I don't think that's very eas…" but before I could finish, he interrupted me.**

**"Oh come on, Bella, it'll be fun!"**

**"Ugh, alright. Just let me…" HE interrupted me again and started screaming "Yaay!"**

**"I'll be right back." I said angrily. When Emmett was out of sight, I pulled out my phone and began to dial.**

**"Hello?" said the most beautiful voice I had ever heard.**

**"Hi Edward."**

**"Bella! How are you? Is something wrong? What's the matter?" I couldn't help but smile at his concern.**

**"Don't worry, everything's fine. But Emmett…"**

**"What did my idiotic brother do this time?" I heard a faint "Hey" come from the kitchen but I ignored it.**

**"It's not what he did, it's what he's about to do. He's decided that he wants to be a chef and…" I heard laughter on the other end.**

**"A chef? Are you serious!" HE sounded very amused.**

**In the background, I heard a pixie-like voice yell, "Ooh! If Emmett gets to be a chef, then I want to be a personal shopper. Think of all the good I could do! Saving people's lives from horrible sweaters, grotesque pants, and just plain ugly blouses. My first project: Bella. Oh! I have so much shopping to do!" Edward chuckled.**

**"Don't encourage her!" I yelled into the phone.**

**"Calm down, love. I won't let her hurt you." He laughed at his own joke. "As for Emmett, just play along with it. He'll get bored eventually and move on. Remember the time he wanted to be a professional wrestler?" Pictures of Emmett in a spandex suit crossed my mind, and I giggled. "Or the time he wanted to be a pop singer?" about a month ago, Emmett decided he was going to be the next Hannah Montana. I fell on the floor laughing at the memory.**

**"Alright, I guess I'll play along." Emmett started to call my name from the kitchen. "Ok, well the master chef is calling me. Hurry up and get home! I love you!" I didn't want to hang up but Emmett started jumping up and down, shaking the whole house, which made me fall. While I was getting up, I began to grumble, then I heard Edward's musical laugh ring through my ears and I forgot what I was angry about.**

**"I love you too. I'll be home before you can miss me." Then the line went dead. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket as I walked back to the kitchen.**

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Please leave reviews.**


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

When I got back to the kitchen, it looked like a World War III.

"What the hell, Emmett?I've been gone for 5 minutes and you've turned the kitchen into a disaster zone!Esme is going to kill you!"

"Well, I started to mix all the ingrediants together for the Baked Alaska, and I wanted to mix it up before you came back so I could show you my amazing chef , apperantly, when you put the mixer on high, everything you're mixing gets splattered everywhere." He said like it was something that happened everyday. "So I didn't want to look like an idiot,"Too late I thought,"so i took the hose from the sink and tried to wash off the mix, but it just smeared it , I went to go look for a sponge to start scrubbing the walls, and I accidently knocked over the flour and it got everywhere!So i tried the sink hose again to wash off the flour, but that didn't work very well. And when I went to go put the hose back, I discovered that you're shoes make a really cool sound when they step in the water,so i started jumping up and down in the puddles."He started to jump again, and knocked me over.

While chuckling, he handed me a hand to help me up."You always know how to lighten the mood. Don't ya, Bella?"His laugh boomed against the walls.

"You really are just a big 2 year old aren't you, Emmett?" I shot back at him. I couldn't believe all this could have happened in such a short period of time.I went to the closet and grabbed a mop. It took 3 hours, but eventually, I got the kitchen sparkling clean. Right as I sat on the couch for a well deserved sitting, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rose, Carlisle, and Esme all walked in the door.

"Welcome home, guys!"I yelled from my seat.

"Hello,love." Edward came over and kissed the top of my head and I snuggled into his chest.

"BELLA!Come on we have to get to the mall before it closes!"Alice yelled from across the room.

"No way!I just spent the past 3 hours cleaning the kitchen, because Chef Emmett, over here, decided to start cooking without me, and made a mess of everything!"

"Bella!The cookies are done!"Emmett yelled from the kitchen.

"Ugh! Not another thing to try!"I groaned.

"He's been making you eat them?"The concern was written all across Edward's face.

"Yes. And all of it has been awful! He tried to bake a cake, and put onions in it! His cupcakes were covered in mustard, not frosting, and his smooties had hair in them! I'm really scared what his cookies are going to taste like."I felt like I was about to cry."Oww!My stomach hurts! I think im going to throw up!" Right as I said that, I felt the vomit in my throat, and ran to the spending 20 minutes of throwing up every meal I had last week, I came back out and ran to Edward's waiting arms.

"Feeling any better?"He asked sweetly.

"No." I replied miserably.

"No more making Bella try your cooking, Emmett." Carlisle said as I closed my eyes and tried to get a little sleep.

"You could have poisoned her!" Esme yelled.

"You should have never given him that Easy-Bake Oven for Christmas." Alice told Esme and Carlisle.

"But it's my dream!" Emmett yelled back.

The last thing I heard, before falling asleep, was Edward letting out a low growl at Emmett. When I woke back up, I was in Edward's room.I guess he had moved me when I was unconcious. When I tried to sit up, two cold arms pinned me back down.

"Oh no you dont!"He said with my favorite crooked smile.

"Is Emmett going to make me eat more things?"I said, unable to hide the fear in my voice.

" 's been banned from making things and forcing you to try them. He is, however, downstairs trying to make some recipes that are laced with blood. He wants to see if that would make it so we could eat what he makes. Carlisle and Esme told him that they have to approve it before anyone else can try any of it, though."

"Well, that's a relief." I let my head drop to the pillow."I never want to expieriance anything like that every again!"

While snuggling with Edward, I heard a scream come from downstairs that I thought might break the sound beariar.

"What did you just feed us, Emmet?" Carlisle said with disgust thick on his voice.

"That was horrible!" Esme yelled, with the same tone as Carlisle.

"Come on," Edward whispered in my ear,"let's go see what all the excitement is about."

When we got to the kitchen, Esme was trying to wipe her tongue off with a napkin and Carlisle had the most disgusted look on his face. Emmet, on the otherhand, looked thoroughly disappointed.

"Aww, Emmy-bear. Whats the matter?"Rosealie said as she ran over to Emmet to sit in his lap.

"I'm hanging up my apron." Emmet said with his head in his hands,"I'll never cook again!"

"Is that a promise?" Edward asked with a chuckle.

"You know, Edward, it wouldn't hurt for you to be a little sensitive right now!"Rose snapped at him, then turning her attention back to whispered something in Emmett's ear that made him smile. I shuttered just thinking about what it was.

"Esme, dear, would you like to go lie down for a while?"Carlisle asked his wife.

"Sounds lovely."She answered back. And they left the room hand in hand.

"Come on Emmett, I know how to make you feel better." Rose purred.

"Oh Bella! You're awake!"Alice said as she ran into the room. She looked me up and down and dropped her mouth in shock. "You look horrible!Come on lets go fix you up! Edward, Jasper told me to tell you to meet him in the backyard to play some catch."

"I'll just be gone for a little while, love."Edward whispered in my ear.

"NO! NOT A MAKE OVER! PLEASE ALICE!I BEG OF YOU! DON'T DO IT!"I pleaded.

"Come on, ya big baby, I just want to fix your hair, and maybe put a little make up on you..." Alice began to ramble on.

One excruitiatingly long make over later, Alice and I were in a heated argument about wether or not to get rid of my old sweat pants, when we both heard a very strange noise.

"What is THAT?"Alice aked confused.

"It sounds like a little kids...giggling." I said equally confused.

"It sounds like its coming from Carlisle's office." Alice said as she began to stand up. "Lets go."

Standing at the door of Carlisle's office we found Edward and Jasper (who were all muddy from their football game outside) and Emmet (who was in his boxers and a t-shirt) and Rosealie (who was standing in a pair of Emmett's underwear and a bra).

"What the hell are they doing in there?" Rose asked.

"Probably getting down and dirty." Emmett said matter of factly.

"No they aren't. I can't feel any lust coming off the room." Jasper replied, making Emmett disappointed.

"What are they thinking, Edward?" I asked, my curiousity now peaked.

"I think they're playing...patty cake." Edward was now very confused.

Before I knew it, Emmett had broken down the door, and there ,sitting on the floor, were two toddler versions of Carlisle and Esme.


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

"Patty cake!Patty cake!Bakers Man!" Carlisle and Esme were chanting together.

"What the hell did you feed them Emmett?" Rose was giving Emmett the death stare, when two shocked, little faces were staring her down.

"Oooooh!You said a bad word!" Carlisle said to Rose.

"You're gonna get in trouble!" Esme said after Carlisle.

Then, Esme looked at Carlisle and grabbed his hand.

"You're my new boyfriend." She said to him with big eyes.

"You two are married!" Alice yelled.

"Ewww!But girls have cooties!" Carlisle said while trying to break free of Esme's hold.

"What did you give them, Emmett?" I was still very curious.

"I just made them Bloody Marys...I mean I did add my own twist but I don't think that could have..." Emmett shrugged.

"What else did you put in there?" Rose interupted him.

Emmett took out a small, very old looking bottle with Italian written on it.

"YOU USED THE EXTRACTS OF LIFE ITSELF?COULD YOU BE ANY MORE OF AN IDIOT?"Edward was so angry, if he could, I'm sure steam would have been coming out his ears.

"So my Italian is a little rusty..."Emmett said trying defend himself.

"A little?You just turned Carlisle and Esme into 4 year old vampires!"Alice groaned. "Give me the bottle,Emmett."

Emmett tossed it over to Alice, who then looked it over and over until finally finding what she wanted. "Bingo!"she said delghted to find what she was looking for.

"Oh!I love bingo!Can we play?"Esme asked.

"Ugh. Bella, go keep them distracted. Edward, Jasper, Rose, you come with me. I think I found a way to fix Carlisle and Esme."

"What can I do?"I could tell Emmett really wanted to be included.

"Never EVER cook again!"Alice yelled.

"Come on, Emmett, let's go play bingo, ya big 2 year old." I told him.

Four games of bingo, 3 screaming CHILDREN, and too many arguments to count later (Emmett accussed Carlisle of cheating and Esme, Carlisle's "girlfriend", started defending him), Alice came out of the kitchen holding two cups of what looked like grape juice.

"Esme, Carlisle, I bet your thirsty after beating the pants off of Emmett at bingo." Alice said as she walked over to us.

"Beginers luck!"Emmett grumbled.

"Want some juice?"Alice asked after smirking at Emmett.

A chorus of yeses came from Carlisle and Esme, and they began to gulp down the drink like there was no tomorrow.

"So what exactly did Emmett give them in the first place?" I asked as I ruffled Carlisle's hair.

"The idiot over here,"Alice said while pointing to Emmett who responded with a 'HEY!' that she ignored,"gave them the very extracts of life."

I looked at her, confusion written across my face.

"OK, I'll give you the cliff notes. A very long time ago, the Volturi mixed together chinese herbs and blood from different aged people and animals creating the extract of life itself. The mixture made it so vampires could become younger. The reason they made had something to do with wanting to remember being younger, but thats a story for another day."She laughed her little pixie laugh."So, anyways, the mixture began to cause problems. So, Carlisle, who was living with them in Italy at the time, suggested the remaining liquid be destroyed. And because Carlisle was the one to suggest destroying it, the Volturi decided he be the one to do it. But Carlisle, being the good man he is, did not want all those people who were hurt in the process of the making of the mixture to be in vain. So, he decided to keep it just in case."

"Wow. So what is the grape juice for?"I asked.

"Originally, when you drink the extracts of life you age at regular speed until you've reached your original age...well, I guess it's really the age that you had been changed at. But, the juice speeds up the aging process, causing them to only be a certain age for about a week." She said this like it happened everyday.

All I could say was "Wow." again. Luckily, Edward came running in, scooping me up into his arms. "Alice, when Carlisle and Esme are done with they're juice, why don't we take them to the park." Edward said, while still holding me in his arms.

"That is a great idea! We should get Rosealie to come to, remember how much she loves kids?And I guess Emmett can come, too. I'm sure he'll have fun on the jungle gym." I laughed.

"Wait!"Alice yelled as we were walking out the door to the car,"we're going to need these!" She held up two carseats.

"How long have you had these Alice?"I asked confused.

"Oooh...a week..."Alice and then tapped her temple with finger.

"And you didn't warn us because...?" How could she have kept something like this from us all?

"Oh come on, it'll be fun!" She chirped, and then we were out the door.


End file.
